The Best Part of Waking Up

When I wake up in the morning, I tiptoe downstairs and pour myself a big piping hot cup of coffee in my favorite mug from a tacky New York souvenir shop. I snuggle between the pillows piled high on the bench in the sunroom. This is my time. The quiet of each morning, watching the small part of the world around me wake up, having a few minutes with B before he heads to work, spending time with God.

Something new has been added to my mornings though. The reality that the crib across the hall holds a little one is still a bit surreal. To peek in the door before she wakes and see her tiny body snuggled up with her stuffed animals seems make believe. But it's not make believe. She's real and she's here, every single morning. When she wakes and I walk in her bedroom door our eyes meet, and she smiles. The sight of me makes her smile. Some mornings it's too much to take in and I let the tears fall. As I scoop her up in my arms and she snuggles sleepily up to my shoulder, I thank God. I thank Him for the blessing of being her mama.

year ONEderful

Today is Roxie’s birthday.  Her first birthday.  I’m bursting with all sorts of emotions. 

Excitement that she is one. 

Celebration that she is with us.

Pain that we missed 11 months.

Anticipation for what’s ahead.

In the (almost) one month that she’s been with us, she’s changed us.  She’s brightened our world.  She’s turned pain into rejoicing. 

When I think about her birthday, the blessing that we get to celebrate with her in our arms, there is also a sense of aching in my heart.  How many children are out there celebrating a first, second, tenth, eighteenth birthday without a family?  How many families are out there longing for their children to be in their arms?  I can’t ignore this aching.  So what can I do?  What can you do?

Over the past year so many of you have journeyed with us to bring Roxie home.  You have cried with us.  You have rejoiced with us.  You have prayed for us, for her, and helped us carry the burden to labor for her arrival.  We have felt so encouraged by your sense of support. 

In honor of our girl’s first birthday, I’m extending to you an invitation.  An invitation to help other families bring their children home.  An invitation to help just a fraction of the 150 million orphans worldwide. 

Hope That Binds is an adoption and orphan care ministry that provides adoption grants and fundraising support, adoption consultation to churches, and adoption advocacy.  By donating you are helping families to celebrate birthdays together, not to mention the other 364 days.  Any funds given here will go 100% to adoption grants. 

Giving is easy.  Just click on the donate button below.  

Forgetting what lies behind

As I walked into the care center I saw a group of women huddled around a tub filled with soapy water, washing bottles. They looked up as I walked in the gate, no greeting.  I continued walking toward the door and spoke my daughter's Ethiopian name with question to the first person I saw inside the house. The lady understood the name and pointed toward a door, one which I already knew led to another baby's room. That's good, I thought as I headed toward the other room. This room, I knew from our last visit, was smaller.  Roxie would probably receive a little more one on one attention from the nanny. As I walked into the room I spoke her name again to the nanny standing inside the door. As she turned the small room came in to view and I saw her, those eyes.  Those eyes that nine months ago stared at me on the computer screen for the first time, eyes that I had looked at more times than I could count on my phone, eyes that I saw when I drifted off to sleep each night. The difference is that now I didn't have to look on a computer screen or on a phone or in a memory.

I scooped her up from her bed and pulled her in close for hugs and kisses. This was my daughter. The daughter God had planned for me before the beginning of time. I didn't have to leave her again.

After a quick change of clothes we passed out hugs and thank yous to the nannies, collected a container of Ethiopian formula, and climbed into the van. I breathed a sigh of relief that the waiting part of this process was over.  She was finally in my arms.  Arriving at this point had been a journey filled with joy but also suffering.  As the van moved forward carrying this new family of three I couldn't help but look ahead to all that was in store.  I was reminded of the apostle Paul's words.

". . . Forgetting what lies behind and straining to what lies ahead. I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

I want to embrace each experience God gives me along the way.  I want to embrace this sweet memory of bringing Roxie home and all that God has taught me.  But it is not the end. It is only a portion of the race, this earthly journey.  There is still so much more ahead, so much more to look forward to.  Ultimately I must continue to strive towards the goal of being like Christ.  

"Only let us hold true to what we have attained."

Rejoice in the Lord!

Bringing Roxie Home

Thanks Kendra Mason at Immeasurably More Photography for capturing this special day of  bringing roxie home!

Click here to see the video.

finally HOME

There is so much I want to say, yet so much I don’t know how to say.

For now all I can do is praise God and thank Him for this gift!

Praise God from whom all blessings flow

Praise Him all creatures here below

Praise Him above ye heavenly host

Praise Father Son and Holy Ghost

WELCOME HOME ROXIE

What about the other?

A few weeks ago I introduced you to our sweet Roxie. Since that post we have had several

people ask about our little boy. So I want to answer those questions and give a general

update.

There are many steps to the adoption process which I wrote about here. And even with those

steps there are still many minor details in between, and things that come up unexpectedly. That

is the case for our little guy. We are still very positive and hopeful that he will come home.

However, it seems that his homecoming is not with his sister, as we had expected. There is one

item that is missing from his paperwork in order to be submitted to court. Yes, one. It seems

that one little piece of paper can lead to major obstacles and delays for a life waiting to join his

family. However, we know and believe that God is in control of the perfect timing for his life.  

Unfortunately, until he legally becomes our little boy we cannot introduce him to you. Oh how

I want you to meet him. So just for now I'll offer a sneak peak of him resting peacefully in his

daddy's arms.

Meet Roxie . . .

For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

 in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.

Psalm 139: 13-16

I have prayed many prayers for my daughter since we received the phone call about her on May 3, 2012.  I always pray for her salvation.  That the Lord will draw her to Himself and adopt her into His family so that she will know an adoption greater than her physical adoption into the Wilson family.  I also have found myself thanking God for knitting her together in the womb of her birth mother.  She is fearfully and wonderfully made!  I pray that she will praise God for that on her own someday, but for now I am praising Him on her behalf.  I am also thanking Him for writing her days before they ever came to be and that those days have led her to our family. 

I will never forget the first time I saw her big, beautiful brown eyes and long eyelashes.  My heart overflowed with love for this tiny creation, God’s creation for our family. I couldn’t wait to wrap my arms around her.  Several months and lots of tears later I was able to do just that.  As I walked into her room our eyes locked.  She was sitting up in a bumbo waiting for us.  Bending down to her level, our eyes never parted and I slowly picked her up trying to gauge her comfort level with me.  She still never took her eyes off of me, intensely studying this white lady that was enveloping her.  As I pulled her close, she comfortably laid her head on my shoulder and snuggled in.  This is where she fit.  Even before the creation of the world it was God’s plan for her to be my daughter and for me to be her mommy.  Tears streamed down my face as I turned her toward B and said, “She knows I’m her mama.” 

Roxie is God’s and He has entrusted her to us on this earth to raise under His truth, teaching her the gospel each day of her life.  We are thankful and honored and oh so blessed to be her parents. 

Meet Roxie . . . she has the biggest, darkest brown eyes, a crinkle in her nose when she smiles, a new discovery of her tongue, and two new teeth peeking out from her perfectly pink baby gums.  She is officially and legally our daughter!

What does a court date mean?

We have a court date!

On November 28 we will go before an Ethiopian judge in one of the many steps to bring our children into our family.

Let me just give you a brief overview of the adoption timeline, at least for Ethiopia. 

Step 1: Gather A LOT of paperwork (this can be drawn out over several months but is also possible to complete within two months)

Step 2:  Submit Dossier

WAIT

Step 3: Receive and accept referral (depending on the agency this can take anywhere from one month to several years)

WAIT

Step 4:  Court submission (for our agency they estimate after referral for this to take 2-4 months)

WAIT

Step 5: Receive court date (a court date is typically issued within a week or two of court submission)  

WAIT  WE ARE HERE!

Step 6: Go to court (in Ethiopia)

WAIT

Step 7: Receive court decree (approximately 2-3 weeks after court)

WAIT

Step 8:  Children’s birth certificates issued (2-4 weeks)

WAIT

Step 9: Children’s passports issued (2 weeks)

WAIT

Step 10: Children’s medical exam (at least one month)

WAIT

Step 11: Embassy submission (Steps 7-10 must be complete for this to happen so no less than 2 months)

WAIT
Step 12: Be notified of pick up date (at least one month)

WAIT

Step 13: Bring our babies home!!!

There are several more detailed steps in addition to these but these are the big mile markers.  Also, we have learned first-hand the time amounts for each step are estimates and each case is different.  Sometimes the time is shorter but often times it can be longer. 

As you can see, this court date is a huge step for the adoption journey but we still have a long road ahead.  We are taking it one step at a time and praying that God will allow us to eventually bring our children home. 

Just to answer a few questions that we’ve been asked, we will get to see our children while we are in Ethiopia.  They will actually get to stay with us for the time we are there.  We will be there for about a week and a half and then have to come back to the U.S.A.  to wait until notification to pick them up.  

Simply an image?

So let’s say you’re at Kroger (or your grocery of preference) for your regular grocery trip and you pass someone on the cereal aisle that has an outline of Africa on their shirt.  What do you think?  What’s the first thing that pops in your mind when you see that shirt?  Or do you even notice?

This is where my kids live, so naturally I’m drawn to this image.  Whether worn on a shirt, necklace, bracelet, sticker . . .  it’s more than simply an image.  To me it’s 

support,

love,

encouragement. 

Several months ago I was meeting my friend Casey at a Murray State basketball game and we decided to have supper before the game.  As we were shedding our coats to settle in for some quality conversation, I saw it.

  

That beautiful image right there in front of me on her shirt and I was overcome with emotion.  That’s for my babies.  She loves them.  She supports them.  She loves me.  She supports me.  I totally was not expecting the emotion, but what an amazing feeling of love and support when I didn’t even realize I needed it.  And time and time again I’m touched and humbly grateful for the love and support others are willing to demonstrate through something as simple as an image.  

To support the Goodman family adoption click here.

To follow the Allen family blog and watch for ways you can support them, click here. 

Another

We left our paperwork open.

So they were bound to call.

But the reality of it hasn’t sunk in.

And probably won’t until we bring our TWO babies home.

On August 10 (exactly three months to the day from when we accepted our first referral) we officially accepted the second referral of our son!

How? Why? What? Let me explain . . .

When working through a home study (a required step of the adoption process) a family has many decisions to make.  One of those being how many children you would like to adopt.  We made the decision for our paperwork to say "one or two" children so we could have the option of adopting twins if they became available.

After we accepted the referral of our baby girl we were asked, by our agency, if we wanted to leave our paperwork open for a second child since it stated "one or two" children.  

B and I took this decision very seriously.  There are many “opinions” on both sides of the fence about adopting two children at the same time especially when they are unrelated biologically. After much prayer and discussion we felt the Lord was leading us to say yes and be open to the idea of a second child.

After the unexpected news of our daughter’s possible health complications the hope and anticipation of a second referral escaped my thoughts. My focus was to pray for my daughter and stay updated on her situation.  Later in the summer we received a phone call that our agency had taken in several new babies that would soon be ready for referral.  They wanted to know if we were still interested. Whoa!  I forgot we were still in this!  

Several long weeks later and a few more ups and downs on the roller coaster, B called and said, “Okay, are we ready?” He received a call from our agency saying that there was a child ready for us to review. Oh my gosh, are we ready for this? To go from zero children to two? Knots formed in my stomach . . . nervousness. B asked again, “Are we ready?”

Silence

“I’m nervous,” I said hesitantly.

With the confidence and leadership I love about my husband he said, “Of course, you’re nervous.  So am I.  Let’s wait a few hours and pray about it before we review the child.”

A few hours later my nerves hadn’t gone away . . . but they had changed . . . to be nerves of excitement and confidence that we were stepping out on faith and trusting God for guidance in this journey. When we opened the email for review and I saw his sweet little nose, chubby feet, and two baby teeth (yes, he has two teeth!) my nervousness seemed to vanish.  This was my son . . . and this first glimpse of him reminded me to trust.  In this moment all the worry, anxiety, and nervousness were replaced with belief, thankfulness, and trust.

“Much of the worry in my own life has been a failure to believe . . .

a wariness to thank and trust the love hand of God.”  –Ann Voskamp

Another lesson learned.  Another member of our family. Another baby to love. Another blessing.

This is hard . . .

This is hard.

Adoption is hard.

Life is hard.

There are so many people across the world and even in my own neighborhood facing trials and suffering far greater than mine.  I'm not unaware of that.

This summer has been a challenge. We are learning that this journey of extending our family is a roller coaster. God is molding me in such a way that I am being pulled from my place of comfort to a place of transparency and vulnerability

There are two very clear things God is teaching me through this time in my life. I'm sure there are many more that aren't as glaringly obvious but for now I am a committed student of these particular two.

A few days after our latest "not so great" news I picked up a devotional book (Streams in the Desert) I often read from to find the focus verse of the day penetrating straight into my heart. 

“always and for everything giving thanks in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God the Father.”  Ephesians 5:20

Really? I don’t know why I was surprised . . . but I was. Thanks was the last thing that had come out of my mouth or even crossed my mind.

The next day a quote,

“Do you believe God only when the circumstances are favorable, or do you believe no matter what the circumstances may be?” –C.H.P.

The third day a reminder,

“Thou hast made waiting beautiful; Thou hast made patience divine. Thou hast taught us that the Father’s will may be received just because it is His will. Thou hast revealed to us that a soul may see nothing but sorrow in the cup and yet may refuse to let it go, convinced that the eye of the Fathers sees further than its own.” –George Matheson

My grandmother came over with the intention to shake me from my place of hiding in the darkness. As I cried to her that, “I just don’t understand” she, with tears streaming down her face, responded,

“I don’t understand why my 17 year old son had to die in a car wreck. There are some things we just won’t understand.”

She went on to say that during the time after her son’s death she found herself calling to mind things to be thankful for; her husband, her other children . . .

Even after all of these clear messages I still struggled to go to God’s word and cling to the truth, the promises. If I did then that meant I had to accept the things I didn’t like.

So I picked up another book, One Thousand Gifts (by Ann Voskamp). I bought the book several months ago only for it to be added to my “Books to Read” pile. I’m not sure why I chose this one to read now. And I’m not necessarily endorsing or standing by it theologically.  However, it did continue to point me toward giving thanks.

The author recalled time after time when Jesus gave thanks in scripture and other verses about thanksgiving. I revisited Ephesians 5:20 and read a commentary that stated, “Believers thankfulness is for who God is and for what He’s done through Christ.”

So I began . . . giving thanks. Thank you for the vegetables from my garden. Thank you for the way B loves whatever I cook. Thank you for the way a songwriter can sum up my feelings so perfectly.

As I continued my quest of giving thanks I realized there was another step I needed to take. My thankfulness as a believer in who God is and my daily thanksgiving of “things” around me needed to collide. It’s not just being thankful for things like vegetables from my garden or my favorite song but looking to God as the giver of these blessings, these gifts.

“And whether I am conscious of it or not, any created thing of which I am amazed, it is the glimpse of His face to which I bow down. Do I have eyes to see it’s Him and not the thing?” –Ann Voskamp

Let me be honest, I still struggle to thank God for even the hard things, the things that hurt. It’s a challenge for my mind to be thankful for these. Ephesians 5:20 says, “always and for everything giving thanks” even in hard times (emphasis mine). Philippians 4:6 says, “do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” (emphasis mine).

John Piper sums it up well, “if you trust him, he will unfold for you how your omnipotent and all-wise Father in heaven can even take the evils of the world and work them together for your eternal good.” So I am learning to be thankful for good and bad, easy and hard, beauty and ugly, ups and downs. I am learning.

“Praise God from whom all blessings flow,

Praise Him all creature here below.”

It's a Girl!

When I see Temple’s name (our adoption coordinator) on my phone or my inbox my heart starts beating a little faster.  Is this it?  Does she have news?  Do we have a child?  My mind races . . .  For the past several months every message from her has been instructions or questions regarding our paperwork.  But today was different.  My heart sped up as I read the subject, “Getting Closer!” When I read the information it was again just a few questions but the last line caused my heart to jump into my throat. “we are definitely getting VERY close . . .”

I was drying the dishes in the kitchen when I read the message to B. He said in a very stern voice, “Stop what you’re doing and go sit down on the couch.”  What?  Why?  He led me over to the couch and said Wendy we need to pray about this, right now!  Absolutely!  Let’s pray!  I’m so thankful for the Godly husband I have to lead us to the feet of our creator during that moment. 

The next morning couldn’t come fast enough.  I wanted to talk to Temple about the details of her e-mail and to see just how close we were. 

To my surprise she picked up on the second ring and quickly started explaining the reasoning behind her questions.  There was a little girl that was ready for referral.  Hooray!  What fantastic amazing news!  However, because of some details we would need to wait a few days until we received an official referral.     

When I hung up the phone my first instinct was to try and get a hold of B.  I knew he was in class so I sent him a text and told him to call when he had a chance.  My next thought was who else can I tell?  The Lord brought a thought to my mind of something I was reading that morning.  I had been making it a priority to fill my mind with truth in the mornings to help ward off the lies from Satan I experience throughout the day.  B had been so encouraging to remind me that I must keep truth in my mind as a defense, my armor.  On that particular morning the piece I was reading reminded me not to “run to this neighbor or that” but to run to my Savior.    

Immediately I started thanking the Lord for this glimmer of hope that things would start to move forward.  I prayed for this child and that we would rest in God’s sovereign plan for our family. 

We received this news on Thursday, May 3. Four looooooong days later on Monday morning the phone rang with a call from Temple.  Were we ready to review this baby girl? 

YES!  YES!  YES! 

We (im)patiently waited for the e-mail that would hold our first glimpse of her.  A couple of extremely long hours later the e-mail popped in to my inbox.  I called B, “It’s here.” It seemed like it took him forever as I sat there staring at my computer screen wondering what she looked like, what her name was, what her story was, and all the other details the message held.  When he finally arrived I clicked on the word “Referral”.  There was a long e-mail with all the details of this  process.  The first thing we saw was her birth name, then her birth date. The message went on to explain the details of what would come next if we accepted this referral.  There were warnings of the problems we might encounter and mention of a 5% loss of referrals.  Another warning to guard our hearts and to protect the integrity of our sweet girl in this process.  After we thoroughly read the message from the agency director we continued scrolling down and there she was . . .

The first thing I noticed were her eyelashes, they were so long and beautifully laid on her plump cheeks.  She was peacefully asleep in the first picture.  With the next picture her big, brown beautiful eyes stared in to mine and tears fell on my cheeks.  The reality of this being our daughter was too big of a thought for my mind to comprehend in this moment.  We received ten pictures and with each one my heart fell more in love with this beautiful child that God had ordained for our family.  I wanted to hold her, to kiss her, and whisper to her that I loved her. 

On Thursday, May 10, 2012 we officially accepted the referral of our daughter.  The process is moving forward, slowly.  I’m reminded of John Piper’s sermon in which he pointed out eight similarities between the believer’s adoption into God’s family and earthly adoption. “Adoption was (for God) and is (for us) seriously planned.” Ephesians 1:4-6 makes it clear that our adoption as believers was predestined from before creation. This is true also for the adoption of our little girl.  God planned from the beginning for this little girl to be a part of our family in His time.  We still have a long road ahead but she is our girl and will arrive in our arms at the perfect timing of God’s plan for our lives in order for Him to receive the most glory!  In this I am placing my trust each and every day!

We have had trials that brought us to this place and at first I was hesitant to ask others for prayer, not wanting to focus on the struggles we were facing.  But without hesitation I ask that you pray for our family, pray for our daughter, pray for her caretakers, pray for her birth family.  We know that there is still a possibility that the something will change and that we possibly will never bring her home. The reality that 5% of referrals are lost is on our minds. However, we are trusting in God’s plan and praying that His will be done in all three of our lives.

P.S. You might wonder why I'm not posting pictures of her.  As much as I would love to, we are instructed that legally we cannot post her pictures on a public site.  But I promise you as soon as I get the word that I can post them you may get tired of seeing her.  

Waiting.